Become an IB Zombie in 5 easy steps

With years of research, including case studies, surveys, and the reading of complaining Facebook statuses, the experts here at Bite-Sized Daily Observations have created an easy-to-follow, fool-proof plan to help get you on that all-important path to becoming an IB Zombie.

1. Adopt a new mantra: “What homework?” - Put off all of your homework until a few hours before it’s time to get up and go to school. For example, if you wake up at 6:15am, start your homework strictly no earlier than 4:15am to ensure your success in being a zombie that day. If you have completed all of your homework by a reasonable hour, such as 10pm, you have FAILED. You don’t have what it takes to be an IB Zombie if you are able to complete all of your work by a sensible hour.
2. “Oh. Shoot.” -  Assuming you have followed the instructions in Step 1, you have a boatload of homework to do that has been piling up. At some point, however, you will notice that you have indeed done little work, and, consequently, you indeed have a lot of work still to do. When this wave of realization hits you, do not panic. And, most importantly, DO NOT TAKE ANY LOGICAL ACTION, SUCH AS BEGINNING YOUR WORK. Instead, log onto Facebook (like you weren’t already..?!) and post an angry status about how you are mad at whatever teacher assigned you the most work for tonight. If your history textbook is smirking at you evilly – or even laughing maniacally –, congratulations! You are one step closer to obtaining IB Zombie status!
3. Reality Check - Realize that, at this point, there is no way you can get all of this homework done thoroughly. Instead, resort to half-heartedly slapping down something on the paper. (Bonus points if you scratch out stuff and scribble in margins to make it look like you put a lot of thought into it.) Continue doing this until your alarm clock goes off (if you have timed it correctly, it should only take up to one more hour for this to occur).
4. Go to school, dead on your feet. - If you zone out at random intervals, talk weirdly, have the urge to hurt little children, and you literally hear your bed calling out to you all day, then congratulations! You have successfully obtained the highest honor of being an IB Zombie!

Disclaimer: We at Bite-Sized Daily Observations do not endorse procrastination, negative comments on Facebook or anywhere else, or hurting little children. Please, not the children.